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As you may know, our resident Nero has gone AWOL, so benevolent Scottish person, Jasmine Hancroft has agreed to begin the search for a replacement:
I am representing Hanja a lovely welcome area in SecondLife.
There has recently been a vacancy for our resident Nero who is sadly missing in action.
We would like to invite any interested parties who would care to replace please send there CV to Jasmine Hancroft.
In order to be considered for the post of resident Nero of Hanja you must meet the following criteria:
1. You must have a distinctive accent - Scottish is preferable but not essential
2. You must be opinionated.
3. Red hair is essential - non negotiable
4. Must be married or living with someone in real life
5. You must have children in real life
6. Must have charisma
7. Must not be afraid to express himself
8. Must be a gambler
9. Must be able to sing in tune
10. Must love Neslon Mandella
Determined to have peace and security, Parktown Officials today announced the deployment of the X-47-SL Ultimate SecondLife Security Weapon.
Boyd Doghouse and Dr Mortimer Hoof install the X-47-SL
device on the border between Hanja and Parktown.
A combination device developed by Dr. Mortimer Hoof (using alien Gurbux technology), the X-47-SL listens to, orbits, and if necessary kills avatars.
Listener:
With an effective range of 9,000 meters, the X-47-SL not only listens to and records all private and local chat communications on SecondLife, it also picks up all communications sent by MSN, Yahoo, AIM, Skype (including video conferences), Tiny Chat, Facebook and Email.
Orbiter:
With special attention to the ever-present threat of invasion by drunken Scotsmen, the X-47-SL can orbit any drunken limey to a height of 11,000 meters almost instantly. Benevolent Scottish person, Jasmine Hancroft agreed to get drunk just so we could test this function of the weapon.
Alt-Detection:
Although Linden Labs allows users of SecondLife to have up to five alternate accounts per household, Parktown Officials considers this a particular threat and designed the X-47-SL to detect all alts ever used by a SecondLife avatar, as well as picking up any accounts or screen names they might use on WoW, EVE, IMVU and Steam.
Armageddon:
In the unlikely event that all else fails, the X-47-SL can guarantee the security of Parktown Residents by detonation (as a final option) killing all avatars in a 29,000 meter radius. We have made arrangements with the Lindens to test the detonation option next month, with test sights in Ahern and Waterhead.
The device is programmed to begin playing music by Swedish Supergroup Abba 30 seconds before detonation, so if you hear Abba in SecondLife, RUN LIKE HELL!
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