Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Paula Deen Sex Sim

OK, so I went to this voice sex place with a bunch of gay trolls.  Don't ask why.  Sometimes I just decide to take in the freak shows and this seemed like one.

So I get there and there's seven or eight people already there and the show was about to start when the trolls and me show up.  There was this bed sort of thing off to one side and, as I understood it, an orgy was about to commence.

The "orgy" consisted of two men and a woman.  Kind of a small orgy, but it was my first time so it was ok.

The first guy, let's call him Roger.  Roger works as an air traffic controller in real life and proceeded to describe his voice sex experience with precision and clarity in a perfectly monotone voice.  Never raising nor lowering his inflection he sounded, well, like anything but a guy having sex.

The second guy was grandpa.  Grandpa had already told us about his ranch and his cows and chickens and how "back in the day" he was something of a wild man, even riding a motorcycle on occasion.  Grandpa claimed to be fifty-two, but sounded more like seventy-two.  I was worried for his heart for most of the evening's performance. 

The star of the show was the girl, of course.  There are lots of women on TV I'd like to see have sex, Paula Deen isn't one of them. 

There's usually an oral element to most orgies and Paula was somehow simulating this with her voice.  I don't know if she was using a prop or something, but to me it sounded very much like every so often she was taking a great big bite out of a grinder sandwich.

At some point, I have to say that listening to Paula Deen have sex with an air traffic controller and an old crusty cowboy on SecondLife was just about as sexy as listening to Paula Deen have sex with an air traffic controller and an old crusty cowboy in real life.

I doubt if I'll go back to the voice sex joint.  In fact I may never have sex again.  There are some things you just can't un-hear.

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