Friday, November 5, 2010

The Internet Villain

Stark the Booger-Nose hates Secondlife.  Well, really he loves SecondLife, but the girls reject him and the boys make fun of him so, he's determined to take his revenge and become a villain.

Villainy's kind of hard on SecondLife though.  There's not much you can do to cause people any real damage, so Booger-nose resolved to do the best he can by rezzing self replicating cubes with pictures of Hitler on them and crash sims.

For him, it takes about ten minutes to crash a sim and about thirty seconds for the sim to blink back into existence.  It hardly seems worth it, but it's kind of annoying so he persists.

Wednesday night when I went to bed he'd been on a rampage for about two hours spewing out dancing Hitlers and crashing sims in a hit or miss fashion with the Lindens playing whack-a-mole behind him.  I guess he thought he was really showing them a thing or two, if it weren't for the fact they were getting paid to play the game and he wasn't.

Thursday morning when I got up, my sources told me his rampage just ended a little while before.  He'd spent something in the neighborhood of eight hours rezzing dancing Hitler cubes.  At this point I realize there must be some mild form of retardation involved here, along with a fair amount of drugs.  A reasonable person just doesn't do this crap for eight hours otherwise.

We've had retarded griefers before.  Ratcloner comes to mind and I guess Booger-Nose Stark is the latest one.  For these guys, crashing sims over the internet is probably their highest possible level of achievement.

Booger-Nose claims membership in a number of griefer groups, even though none of them claim him and you never see any of them around him or talking to him.  The only person you do see talking to him is Jonny Rumsford, who's also slightly retarded, mostly drug addled and a compulsive liar, so I suppose they're made for each other.

Somewhere I suppose Booger-Nose has a caretaker.  A Mom or maiden aunt who pays his rent, bakes his chicken pot pies and keeps him in RedBull.  I suppose they think, "oh how nice, Stark's making friends over the internet."  I suppose it's just as well they think that.  It's not their fault he's brain damaged and socially awkward.

So, three cheers for internet villains.  May we all cower in fear and wait 30 seconds for the sim to restart.

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