Thursday, July 8, 2010

The Great Sex Vortex of the Southern Continent

I can't post any pictures with this story...because they'd be obscene.

Running multiple scripts can sometimes have unexpected results.

The other day, I was minding my own business in Parktown, when my mysti-tool hud started picking up a strange series of messages.  These weren't messages from people, they were messages from objects, scripted objects talking to each other, very rapidly, very loudly, and in a most obscene way.

Nothing in Parktown was causing this, so I looked at the map and two sims away there was a huge pile-up of green dots in one corner.  Figuring it was some sort of griefer attack, I TP'ed in a couple of parcels away from the pile-up.

The moment I landed in the sim, my avatar started being pulled toward the dot pile-up.  I tried walking away from it and I tried flying away from it, but something was pulling me and couldn't be stopped.  It pulled me through ban-lines (which I didn't know was possible).

Blue boxes saying "You cannot enter this parcel" popped up over and over, to no avail.  Blue boxes saying "You have been ejected from this land" popped up with the same nil effect.  Whatever was pulling me,  dragged my avatar some 1000 meters in the sky to a plain wood sky-box and stuck me half-way through the floor.

Inside the sky-box was the most pornographic thing I ever saw in Secondlife.  There was a pile of twenty naked avatars, each fully equipped with Xcite sex parts, interacting with the most elaborate piece of .Xcite sex furniture I ever saw.  It was sounds, it was animations, it was particles, all interacting, and all breaking Secondlife.

Another avatar got sucked into the vortex and appeared next to me.  I could tell by radar that only the avatar in the center of the sex-pile was "real" using viewer 2.0, all the others were using text-based viewers, meaning they were bots.

"GET OUT!" screamed the one human naked avatar.  "How did you get in here?"

"I'm trying to!" I responded.  "I can't move or TP, I'm stuck in your floor and SecondLife is trying to eject me, but can't."

I have no idea how many sex scripts were in the bots or their naughty prim body parts, nor how many scripts in the orgy furniture this person set out, but they were too many and SecondLife had gone nuts.

"You can't be here!" They Screamed.  "GET OUT!" as another hapless avatar got sucked into the vortex.

I tried to explain to them that something about the scripts they were running seems to have reversed the ban lines so that they now attracted avatars rather than repelling them, and they better do something quick or the sim was going to crash!

Despite their frustration and embarrassment and anger that now a third person had broken through their ban lines, this one human in the middle of the sex-pile understood what I was saying enough to take their nineteen alts off line.  The moment they left, the three of us stuck in the floor were immediately ejected to an adjacent parcel.

"What the hell just happened?" asked one of my fellow abductees.  "I'm not sure."  I said.  "Some sort of scripted melt-down I think."

When the others left, the one naked human from the sex pile IM'ed me.  "How did you do that?"  They asked.

I tried to explain to them it wasn't anything I had done.  The Xcite sex products have scripts within them that communicate with other Xcite sex products which is how they do the things they do. 

I don't think they ever considered twenty people all using them at the same time in the same spot before, because it seemed to have caused some sort of feed-back loop which was eating up SecondLife resources and creating a vortex sucking any avatar who happened into the sim toward the pile-up.

This poor user (and I'll never reveal their name) had a sex fantasy that involved a huge orgy and unspeakable acts with them at the center.  Embarrassed to seek twenty live people to make their fantasy come true, they spent hours meticulously creating alt accounts to run as bots in their fantasy orgy.  They studied X-Street to find only the best scripted genitals for their bot sex mates and only the finest scripted sex furniture to go with it and for weeks worked on and hoped for the night when they could make their fantasy come true.

Truly embarrassed that I not only witnessed their unusual fetish, but was rudely sucked into it like a black hole, this user was despondent. 

"Look" I told them.  "This was hardly the weirdest thing I ever saw on SecondLife.  I'm pretty immune to naked avatars by now and the only thing that was the least bit interesting to me was how the scripts ran amok and what in the world caused the gravitational attraction on avatars."

"You won't tell anybody will you?"  They asked.

"I can't promise never to tell the story, because it's a great story.  But, I do promise never to reveal your name."  I said

"Fair enough.  Thanks for your help."  They replied.

"Remember" I told them "running multiple scripts at the same time can have unexpected results.  I wouldn't try this again."

"You're very kind"  They said.  "It's too bad you're not my type..."  and with that I TP'ed away, glad to have survived the great sex vortex of the Southern Continent.


  1. ZOMG! That is the funniest thing ive read here in over 3 years! My gosh...I would have loved to see that.....from a looonnggggg ways away tho.


Vendors and Creators